Balance, Daniel-San, you must have balance
Making time for family moments in our chaotic lives
I strolled into the office at 8:30am. This is about 1.5 hours later than normal. Normal really doesn’t mean anything anymore because I haven’t been consistently going to the office since March 2020. Let me rephrase. I went into the office about 30 minutes before an all day meeting. An all day meeting on zoom with live participants.
The rendezvous to the office puts added stress on Dana. I left her with two kids. One had ate most of his breakfast and was ready to be dropped off at school. The other was finishing breakfast and ready for her morning nap. For Dana to coordinate this .9 mile trip to daycare without me, she has to load Dana into the car carrier, pack Bingham’s backpack, get him in his car seat, and pray that Delanie doesn’t fuss the entire car ride. This effort can be overwhelming. I think the biggest help I’ve been since our transition to two kids has been taking care of Bingham. The reality is she bears the burden of milk production, feeding the baby, changing the baby, and coordinating the rest of our life. It’s a heavy burden.
I don’t have to tell that burden becomes anxiety producing when you only sleep in two hour spurts. It is remarkable we knowingly accept this level of suffering. It is a good things that these kids are cute (evidence below).
Because I was out of the house all day, I called Dana a few times to check in. She had her first OB/GYN appointment since her delivery. I wanted to be there. She got scolded by the receptionist for bringing the baby due to the pandemic. This was extremely upsetting to Dana. It takes a lot of initiative for her to leave the house and her routine right now. She was having a great day and this receptionist issued mom guilt to her for no apparent reason. I wish people that are this rude would automatically have better emotional intelligence. I could tell Dana she shouldn’t care. That would not help. We just live in era where people want to tell you what to do because they know better than you. Apparently, some people did not get the lesson from their parents to mind their own damn business.
Anyhow, after my 8 hour zoom marathon, I was invited to drinks and dinner with my team. I wanted to go. I feel a need to build camaraderie after a couple of years of sporadic live meetings. I need to go home. Part of me is pulled because I do not want Dana to bear the full pick up, dinner, and bedtime routine. The reality is I just want to be home to see my kids. I jump into an Uber precisely at 5:15pm and walk down my driveway at 5:41pm. I see red brake lights in the garage. I arrived home exactly when the kid caravan returned from Bingham’s school. Dana opened the rear passenger door and Bingham ran and gave me a hug. There is no better feeling. We all entered the house.
My mom works for Janie and Jack, which means we have a river of cute kid’s clothes in our house (evidence below). Tonight after dinner, Bingham was cajoled into trying on his suit that he is wearing to his grandparent’s 50th wedding anniversary in May. He FaceTimes with Grandma and Papa. They are over the moon with how cute he is. Here’s the kicker though. He asks them if he can bring Beatrix, his girlfriend, from school to the party. The grandparents erupt into laughter and suggest that he may need Beatrix’s parents’ permission. The cute meter has now exceeded capacity and I am so happy to be home with them.
The rest of night is uneventful. Scratch that. The rest of the night is normal. Wait, there is no normal. Bingham goes down in his usual routine. Delanie keeps crying and is still crying as I write this. I am wearing a cotton t-shirt with baby spit up on both shoulders. My shoulders are literally soaked. I really should have changed this shirt since she threw up on me about 15 minutes ago. I think I am going to do that now. Goodnight.
My Lesson: You are always balancing 4 pillars: Work, Family = Husband and Father, Self and Friends. I have never seen anyone be extraordinary in all these relationships. Why? It takes time and effort. It requires intention. There are times when I am great at work and it usually comes at the expense of friends, family, and self. Sometimes I am a great dad and could be a better husband. Being a good friend is probably where I have lost deep connections. We have friends of convenience. I love these friends. The reality of what brings us together is we happened to procreate around the same time and live in close proximity to each other. This comes at the expense of long lasting friendships scattered around the globe. I am putting the effort to be extraordinary in all these areas, friends included. Be a great father, Be a great executive. Be a kind and helpful friend. Be a great husband. Be all of those things without sacrificing my health, fitness, and well being. So yes, I bolted the second the meeting ended. I had a fun night with my family. I am going to back to work now. Balance, Daniel-san. Miyagi was right.